Goodbye Testosterone, My Old Friend

I was hoping to delay this conversation until my “chess in the park” years, but it was not to be

A few years ago, I went to my doctor complaining of excessive sleepiness. I’ve always been a champion “let me just lay down for 20 mins” kind of guy, but this was really different. My days had taken on a bizarre schedule where I’d sneak home after lunch for a “meeting” and lay down for a nap because I was exhausted. After waking up, I didn’t feel any better, and after a few months of this I decided to seek medical advice.

“Ok Gabe, there are two possible reasons this could be happening,” said my doctor, a gruff but knowledgeable gay man whose otherwise great skills were marred by the persistent dramatics of his office administrator — slash — husband.

“You either have diabetes or low testosterone.”

This hit close to home because I love sex almost as much as I love pastry. I knew a Sophie’s Choice when I heard one.

“Does it have to be just those two things? Are there no other possible reasons?” I pleaded. I didn’t quite make a wish for cancer in that moment, but I got awfully close.

“No, we’ve run every other test but these two and nothing else is out of the ordinary.”

“Ok doc, I just need this to get better. Let’s figure it out.”

To get a proper blood sugar and testosterone reading you need to have blood drawn early in the morning…